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4 long years ago I entered college from probably the greatest high school senior year of my life. After going crazy debating on the right school for me I picked the state university of NJ. I honestly didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life but I thought going to such a huge university with so many options I would eventually figure out the best career path for me which I ended up doing. It was great knowing that two of my good friends from HS were coming with me and I would always have them by my side even though I wasn’t going to be living with them. I walked into my dorm the first day pretty much startled! Living away from home, staying with a person I had never met, and sharing a bathroom with like 20 other people. Not really the ideal living situation. My roommate ended up being great and we had so MANY similarities. We had common personalities, common music taste which made it that much better! Music can make a strong connection and I feel like it was a really big reason as to why we ended up getting along so well. She was an ideal roommate she kept our room clean, was considerate when I needed to study and didn’t bring people over and caused a distraction! My classes were interesting and making friends was super easy for me cause I feel like I’m very outgoing in those types of situations. As each year of college went by I learned knew things and definitely grew as a person. College changed me. Everyone said change was never good, but I think I went through the greatest change of my life. I walked into college as a naive girl who knew nothing about the way people really were, who let people take advantage of me, use me, who was dependent on people and my family members to now the girl that stands before you. Independent strong bold courageous and daring. I have become the person I have always strived to be but was never able to become in high school. No I didn’t join a sorority or play a major role in any club or become a party animal. I wasn’t always the most popular person that everyone knew but I was just me plain and simple no sugar coating. I had the few close friends that I trusted with everything and I didn’t want to to be “fake” friends with people who I knew would talk shit behind my back. I stuck around with those people who I knew would always have my back, who wouldn’t judge me, and who accepted me for who I am. Yes, just like everyone else in college I got my heart broken from a guy who was an utter douche bag. I had someone tell me they felt all these great things about me and wanted to be with me and before we had a chance to even be in a relationship, he changed his mind when things got too difficult. He made me feel pathetic, use me, and throw me a way like I was crap. I don’t even regret any situations in my life, but for this instance I wish I wasn’t so naïve and saw this guy’s true motives before falling for him. But on the bright side, this situation made me a stronger person. it made me realize that i deserve someone that lives up to my personality and the type of person i am. i deserve someone who is going to show me the meaning of love rather than back out just when things don’t always go as smoothly as you want them to. Sometimes I find it sad that I’m the only one out of my friends who hasn’t been in a serious relationship or hasn’t really gotten to see what being in love feels like. I don’t know what it feels like to have that special guy to talk to about everything and to be your complete self and not be judged. I yearn to know what that feels like. I want to know what being in love is. I hope the next chapter in my life I find someone who is deserving of me and someone who makes me a better person! I learned so much about myself. I begin to love myself for the person I was. I wasn’t always the confident in high school; I was never comfortable in my own skin. I never thought I was pretty enough or was good enough for any guy to fall for. I felt like I was awkward I didn’t know how to hold a conversation with someone and I could never figure out who I was. Behind all my smiles, was always some type of pain or some type of inconsistency with myself. I was never comfortable with myself but hid it through my laughter and my smile. College made me realize amazing things about myself I had not noticed before and that there was nothing to not love about myself. I realized that my personality was great and that looking good didn’t matter because if you were pretty on the inside that light would shine a lot more than what’s on the surface. I for once in my life was confident I wasn’t judging myself or picking at every imperfection I had. I began to look at the better side of myself. I realized that there is going to be a guy who looks at me for the greatness I have within and accept me for who I am. I don’t need to change myself to have someone fall in love with me and that eventually my time would come. I don’t want to be the girl who finds a guy on a one-night hook up. I want a real relationship with someone who wants me despite my imperfections and weaknesses. Because let’s face it nobody is perfect. College made me realize that I am not going to be that girl who has a million friends, who has the “perfect” boyfriend, who aces all her classes, who gets whatever she wants. That’s NOT me. These four years made me realize that I’m perfect just they way I am. And to be honest I used to care what other people thought of me or how they judged me. At this point in my life I could honestly not give a shit about what people think of me. If people like me for who I am great. If not then it doesn’t matter. I don’t need people in my life like that.
All in all, I learned to stay true to myself. As I look back these past 4 years I see a naive little teenager turn into a strong and bold adult and woman. I see a girl who hated herself to a girl who is finally confident in her skin. I see someone who grew despite heartbreak, and didn’t let a guy break me down especially someone who wasn’t worth my time. Who realized what type of relationship and guy I deserve and not to settle for anything else. I look and see my old friends still beside me and all my new friends who went on this bumpy 4-year ride with me. I see all my memories I made these 4 years. The laugher to the point where I couldn’t breathe, the crying, the frustration. I figured out my future goals and have the willpower to fulfill them. As I look into this unknown place called the future. I realize that i am walking out of this school stronger, bolder, more independent, confident, daring. I hope the future has some great experiences in store for me. Thanks college for giving me the greatest hardships I have ever got to go through but for giving me amazing experiences as well.
Anan Magazine, Japan | 21/02 +
I seriously love this song. First heard it when I entered highschool and have been obsessed with it! This song gives me the motivation to start over with any of the mistakes I have made in the past and start fresh. It makes me want to forget the past and the pain that it caused me and be a whole new me!
(by Lara Alegre)
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